if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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