I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
