Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
