Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize