so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
