I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
