There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
