I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
