dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
