then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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