guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
