I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm just crazy horny about you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
