I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
