i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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