I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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