I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
