i was born a porn star she said
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
