Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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