I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
