how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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