so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
