Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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