I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
