Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
