No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
