She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
