Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
