I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
