PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
