Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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