Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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