Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
