I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
