He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
