last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you had me at cake vodka
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
