so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
