i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
