he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
