I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
