Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
