Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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