He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
