im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize