Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
