I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
