I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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