he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
