Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
