The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
