she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize