Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
