fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
