Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
