Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
