somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
