He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
