I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
