You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
