I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
