just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
