tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
