I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
