God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
