2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
