with your own penis?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
