We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
