cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
