forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
