I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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