How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
