i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
