Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
sarcasm needs its own font
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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