I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
