I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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