a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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