Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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