So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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