It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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