you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
