I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
