the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize