I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I understand Curling. That high.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
