I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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