i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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