i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
