i wish starbucks made bloody marys
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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