So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
