i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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