Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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