Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Someone shattered a urinal.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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