sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
