How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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