There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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