Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize