I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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