i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
