let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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