In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize