Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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