these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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