Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
