THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
