Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
