Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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