My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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