look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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