How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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